Separation Anxiety

Blog Challenge Day 11: Something That You Miss

This post is startlingly easy. While I will never say that I miss High School – the busy work, the restrictions, the twenty minutes you get for lunch by the time you’ve worked your way through the lines and the “going to class every single day” thing — I miss living in the same city as my best friend. I miss seeing her everyday; I miss catching up with her during fourth period, as if I hadn’t just seen her during first period four hours earlier.

I feel outrageously lucky that our friendship hasn’t truly suffered despite the distance between us now or the new friends we’ve made outside of our group from high school. She’s as irreplaceable in my life as my sister, and while our dynamic has changed, we still have the ability to understand each other with a single look or a gesture or phrase. And I’m so grateful for that.

But still, it’s easy to look back on our swim team years, the orchestra trips, the classes we took together and miss how simple and easy our lives were back then.


The Next Chapter

“You have ordinary moments and ordinary moments and more ordinary moments, and then, suddenly, there is something monumental right there. You have past and future colliding in the present, your own personal Big Bang, and nothing will ever be the same.” 

— Deb Caletti (Stay)

Four months ago, I visited my best friend, M, in Vermont. We drove all over the state antiquing, hiking, and reminisced about high school and our camping trip to Prince Edward Island and these amazing cupcakes we got in DC two years ago. We drove to Boston and made a spontaneous trip to Cape Cod and slept in the car. We vegged out on Portuguese Sweetbread and Seafood and chilled on the beach and we made plans for our next big trip, we dreamed about the men we would marry, the careers paths we would blaze. 

Three months ago, I got a call from M that she had met a boy and sure, it was long-distance but she really thought it was the real deal.

Yesterday, I skyped M and we talked about her wedding next June. And just like that, all of her grandiose plans for the future have changed. She’ll never move to a big city, all on her own, and make it hers. Our next trip will be less spontaneous, a little less whimsical and instead of dreaming of what her future husband will look like, she’ll be imagining what their children will look like…and these aren’t bad things. I realize that, but I’m mourning- a bit- for those plans we had and those conversations we’ll never revisit. 



I can’t convey how happy I am for her. This future husband of hers- he’s truly a great guy and I know he’ll take care of her and treat her the way she deserves and what more could you want for your best friend? But growing up has never felt so real. Graduating college…that was anticipated, planned, expected. Meeting your husband and planning a wedding only three months later? That’s Growing Up because what inevitably comes next? A mortgage, a career, kids?

The future we always dreamed about, it’s finally really happening for her and it’s so sudden, such a swift shift of direction it took my breath away. I’ve never felt so keenly that I’m leaving my childhood behind- that we all are. And it’s never felt so scary.