In Which I Confess to That Time I Was An Idiot For Years…

Blog Challenge Day 12: Regrets

Four years ago, I was leaving a lecture hall and saw this boy and in an instant, I found myself believing in Soul Mates and Love-at-First-Sight and Forevers. I drove home from class and found myself pleading with whatever higher power there was, “please…please let him like me back.” And then? And then I did nothing.

Oh, I spent the rest of the semester subtly (or not so subtly) checking him out. Gushing about how incredibly good looking he was to all of my friends. Looking for him all over campus…but as for taking some sort of proactive stance in my life and actually asking him out? Nope. Not this girl. To be fair, I did introduce myself and surreptitiously discovered we had mutual friends then found him on Facebook and friended him over that summer.(Not creepy, Laura. Not creepy at all.)

But then it took a couple of parties, an exchange of Facebook messages, an unfortunate number of Awkward-Laura-Moments and three years for me to work up the courage to ask him to coffee (more like I reached the end of my rope with this crazy fangirl-like infatuation).

I was always aware that he wasn’t interested in me- not romantically anyway- but I was so tightly ensconced in the grip of that crush, I couldn’t get over him without some sort of closure. Luckily, this guy was actually a pretty decent fellow and he agreed to meet up. We talked for about an hour, swapping stories about studying abroad and music recommendations and then we parted and by the end of that day — I was pretty effectively over him. Mostly because I was able to finally accept that he was not interested in me and I deserved a guy who would pursue me, who thought I was amazing and funny and beautiful. 

My one regret through that entire experience? All of the heartache and questions I could have saved myself (and my best friends) if I had simply approached him and asked him to coffee that first semester I noticed him. I’m certainly glad that I finally did something about it, and I can still pull some valuable life lessons from the entire experience but if I could go back, I would have walked right up to him that first (okay, maybe the second) day of class and said, “Hi, my name is Laura. Wanna go grab coffee sometime?”

Hindsight, man. It’ll get you every time.

“My father said that love at first sight should send you running, if you know what’s good for you. It’s your dark pieces having instant recognition with their dark pieces, he says. You’re an idiot if you think it means you’ve met your soul mate. So I was an idiot.”

Deb Caletti (Stay)

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The Life of an Underemployed Post Graduate

Blog Challenge Day 10: Your Daily Routine

For the first time in my life, I don’t have a regular schedule. My work schedule shifts most weeks, though I consistently work about 25 hours or so.  This means that my daily routine is significantly altered from what it was when I was in school or interning or any other time in my life. Most days I wake up around 10 am and drink coffee, watch the Today show with my mom, eat some breakfast, brush my teeth, put on makeup…From there it all deviates- if my work shift starts at 10:30, I’m obviously up earlier. If it’s Tuesday, I’ll try to get some french homework done before meeting my sister for lunch and going on to the class that I’m auditing. On Thursdays, I meet my sister and brother in law at a local coffee shop and imbibe roughly four cups of coffee while applying for jobs.

I’ve actually been struggling with how lazy I feel. I’ve put in my time at college, I’ve attained my degrees- isn’t someone supposed to hire me so that I can start working my way up the corporate ladder and contributing to society and all that? Shouldn’t I be getting up at 6 in the morning like my teacher friends? Despite writing and re-writing my resume and reading articles about applying for jobs and “nailing that interview,” I’m still in the same place that I was when I graduated back in May.

I realize though, that my life may never again be so flexible. I’ll never be this young and carefree and untethered as I am right now- so I’m trying to enjoy it. This means I’ve stayed up until 4 or 6 in the morning to finish books that I’ve been meaning to read for ages and I face no real consequences. I can plan a trip to the Cayman Islands with my best friend over Christmas Break and I know that my boss will give me the week off because I’ve worked for her for four years. And once I get past the guilty feeling that I should be doing more with my time, it’s scary how nice that kind of freedom is.